Like many around the world, my life has changed immensely since the Pandemic began and there have been several lessons from Covid on my spiritual path. I believe that we are still inside the Pandemic experience will continue to be so for several more years.
I also know that nothing will ever be the same again. Our lives as a collective are not ever going back to “the way we were”. In the last few months I have had workshops cancelled and have, by proxy, had a bit more time to reflect and contemplate and this is what has inspired this blog.
I want to hold space for all of us to come together and note the changes, losses, benefits and so much more. I also want to share with you my story and therefore I hope you will feel safe to share yours here or with others. The more we raise our voice and step into our Truth, the more we raise the vibrations of the entire cosmos.
Our Inner Cosmos is a reflection of the external and vice versa. You could say that most of my life I have had a philosophical mind and a heart full of so much love that all I seem to ever want to do is give. Needless to say, a big part of my journey has been learning to receive. This is the ultimate balance of male and female energies or better yet the conscious and the subconscious minds. When we find harmony within we are able to tap into the superconscious or the Total.
Prior to Covid I had a yoga center and a very awesome yoga community. I kept the studio open for almost a year (using my life savings) as I watched members never return to the studio in lieu of taking free yoga online. I continued to give everything I had and started to realize that this outpouring of thought, energy, time, my dwindling life savings was doing nothing for anyone especially myself.
This was the first time I had the paradigm shift on a cellular level that true community starts with ME being United in all States.
You see, until I show up authentically, vulnerably courageous, no one else is going to show up. I was so damn mind blow at the levels of fear, judgement and criticism that I saw happening that I did not listen to my gut to just close the studio and be done with it. Instead I just kept giving hoping that others would be willing to receive in also willing to give to me in return.
If I cannot receive, why would they be willing to receive my offering. All truths lie within us and I must own this 100%. After a year, I hit a financial wall, and closed the studio. It has been the best decision I have made on a personal level.
My lesson here: Do not operate from fear. Operate from truth. To get to the truth do not look outside of yourself, look within. Ultimately, I felt abandoned by the community that I had spent almost 9 years of my life cultivating 7 days a week however the truth was somewhere along the way I had abandoned myself and thus one was simply the reflection of the other.
This was a huge lesson considering that only one year before my spouse of 15 years died. It was like a double whammy. Death of husband, death of business and death of my little dog. 1, 2, 3 boom pretty much a whole life-gone-talk about humbling!
This brings me to lesson 2: Focus on the love not the loss. As I mentioned I have had tons of time to reflect these days and what I have learned from my journey is that your focus is your super power. I write and speak about this all the time. I even mention it in my Affirmation Course. Focus is how we direct our energy.
When we focus on the external experience first we will almost always experience a limit. If we can orient ourself towards the internal landscape first the external will naturally manifest in a different way.
For me, grief is something that I know well. It is an intimate part of my everyday existence since Covid. I believe this to be true for all of us in some way. Buddhist teachings say that all of life is composed of this grief. I choose to use my free will to focus on the love of myself, my life experiences, my little dog Teddy TBear, my friends etc…
By focusing on the love, I am not avoiding the grief, I am simply asking grief to sit with me, stay with me in the frequency of love. All things end, our attachments to them facilitates the greatest pain. There are not stages for this loss, there is no organized path, not every tool works for everyone.
What you focus on will be what you experience. I choose love, not loss.
Lastly, but not final I want to share another lesson from the last two years as I think I see the entire scope of humanity experiencing this. The third lesson for me has been the power of transformation.
Prior to Covid I worked an average 80 hours per week, had many private coaching and yoga clients and was pouring all of my energy into supporting them in living the life they said they wanted. Now I spend that time and much more pouring energy into myself by meditating, creating content, writing books and living simply.
You see, I use to make 12K per month and now I barely cover my expenses, especially when workshops get cancelled. I do know this will eventually level out and I am immensely grateful that I had assets to sell. Right now I am rich in time. I am rich in presence and this is priceless.
My entire life has transformed in a way that I would not have thought would happen. I used to rush around doing this and that. I used to be so busy that I could only sleep 4-6 hours. I was so FOCUSED on everyone else and as my life shifted from being so focused on giving to others to being willing to receive everything has changed.
Needless to say, things are still changing and there are many other lessons for me and for you I am sure. In order for us to truly affect the entire whole I believe that we need more transparency, vulnerability and inclusivity.
I believe that we must recognize that the deeper we can dive into ourselves the easier the external reality becomes as we are no longer thinking our way into our emotions or emoting our way into our thoughts but instead we are aligning ourselves and integrating each experience as we walk our path daily.
The unintegrated experience is that which causes great harm mentally, physically and emotionally. Until we accept the deepest level of responsibility for ourselves it is going to be challenging to show up unconditionally.
My journey over the last two years has been intense, however the gifts continue to show themselves. I hope that you reflect upon what I have all shared here as well as remember that the only way out is in and if you allow love to be that upon which you focus, your path will be paved with grace.
In love and service to your Highest Self,